TIME TO CLOSE A DOOR?
I haven't made it a secret how much I'd like to work in auto racing, but the harder I try, the more disappointed I get at bad news.

I know. I'm not supposed to get my hopes up about things that aren't even guaranteed to be there, but the mere glimmer of hope always has me being hopeful that I'm that much closer to my dreams. I thought after a successful run in 2002 with the IRL, that something in 2003 would materialize, yet here I am no closer to a job than I was when I started trying.

It's been three weeks since I applied for the online gig at RACER. I haven't heard from them and don't expect to. That hurts, because I think I can do the job they advertised. It doesn't look like anything will materialize with either the IRL or the Indianapolis Motor Speedway either. That really hurts.... It's just ... I don't know. I want this so bad, and to not get it almost makes it seem like I took the wrong path in my life.

I've interviewed for racing jobs a couple of times, but neither time I was picked. Maybe that's a blessing, or I think it's more of a curse. Racing drew me in and set me up to fail.

This is supposed to be a big year for me. My 20s will soon be behind me and I need to start thinking about being happy about what I'm doing and not what I want to be doing. I've been living in this dream world too long. It's time to grow up and not get teary-eyed everytime something doesn't work out my way.

If racing happens, it happens. I've put off moving on a couple times because of glimmers of hope. Maybe it's time to focus on moving onward and upward in journalism. Maybe it's time to start acting like grown up. And maybe it's time to close the door on my childhood dreams.